How Can I Forgive?

The Record of Wrongs
1 Corinthians 13

Since I’m a pastor, people ask me questions about faith. One of the recurring questions is this: “Someone has done wrong, and I’m angry. How can I forgive them?”

When they ask this, I stumble and bumble through some answer. But what I want to say is, “I’m not sure. I don’t know how you can forgive. But I know how that feels. I’ve felt the same thing.”

We’re around people all the time. Work, family, friends, strangers. It’s inevitable that someone will do something wrong… hurt us… let us down. They may even break the law. And a great test of faith is how we respond to this.

It’s hardest when they’ve hurt not us, but someone we love. Then the anger burns like a furnace… a coal-fired furnace. Each time we think about what they’ve done, we add a shovel of coal to the furnace, and it grows hotter. We want to scream, ARRRGH!

So what do we do? How can we forgive? I think there’s an answer, but it’s not easy. For help, I’m turning to our scripture tonight from Corinthians.

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The church in Corinth had piles of problems, more than we can imagine. When we read about the early church in the book of Acts, it’s easy to think they were perfect. Reading Acts is like leafing through an LL Bean catalog… everyone looks so perfect, all coiffed and all wrinkles ironed out.

Luke, the historian who wrote Acts, wanted to make the church look as attractive as possible. But when you read the letters of Paul, you see a different picture, a behind the scenes picture. You get the whole story.

The church in Corinth was divided by factions and filled with criticism and backbiting. People there would say, “You’re not a bad Christian, but you’re not as spiritual as I am.” It was a sad situation.

Paul wrote his letter to instruct them and to answer questions they’d posed to him. But he also wrote to deflate their heads and bring them down to earth.

In the middle of his letter, he plunks down a description of love. It’s a famous passage… 1 Corinthians 13. If Paul had a Greatest Hits CD, this would be track #1. This is what we remember from him.

He speaks of love’s priority. Love is more important than anything I say or accomplish. In fact, without love all my accomplishments are worthless. He speaks of love’s permanence. Love outlasts anything and everything. It’s the only think I take with me.

And he gives a thumbnail sketch of love itself, in short phrases. Love is patient, love is kind, and so forth. A list of attributes of love, things love is and is not.

In this middle of his description, he says this about love: “Love is not easily angered. Love keeps no record of wrongs.”

At this point I want to close the book and stare out the window. Because I keep a record of wrongs. I imagine you do too. We all do… it’s human nature. We keep a notebook of grievances. “Can you believe what she did?” “Oh, he’s such an idiot.”

For some people their grievance notebook is small, for others it’s large. Some wear their notebook on a heavy chain around their neck. But we all have one. We get used to it, and it’s hard to imagine life can be lived in any other way. But this description of love in Corinthians reminds us of other possibilities.

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There was a Israeli soldier dying at a hospital in Jerusalem. He wasn’t dying of injuries he’d gotten in battle. He was dying of AIDS… he was gay, and he’d contracted AIDS.

His father was a prominent rabbi in Jerusalem. His father and his family had disowned him. The staff in the hospital knew his story. They avoided his room, only doing the most basic things for him. They were waiting for him to die.

His regiment patrolled the West Bank, where the Palestinians live. His regiment was known for being cruel and brutal.

One day in the hospital, this soldier went into cardiac arrest. The alarms went off, but when the staff saw who it was, they went back to what they were doing. They weren’t rushing to help. After all, they were waiting for him to die.

There was a janitor on the floor, a Palestinian Christian. He knew the soldier’s story. His own village had been attacked by the soldier’s regiment. He had every reason to allow him to die too.

He heard the alarm, and he saw that no one was moving. His heart was moved with compassion. He dropped his broom, and it clattered to the floor. He went to the soldier’s room, and he began to perform CPR on him.

Do you see the image? A Palestinian Christian trying to save the life of an Israeli soldier. The soldier later died. But everyone remembered the act of compassion from a Palestinian Christian janitor. *

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Love keeps no record of wrongs.

This story startles us. It reminds us of possibilities. Somehow the janitor set aside his record of wrongs, his grievance notebook, and helped an enemy

I think what the janitor did was humanly impossible. But the thing is we can be more than merely human… because we live in relationship with the living God, whose power can amaze us

You see… when Paul gives us his description of love, he is really telling us about the character of God. He is telling us what God is like.

God is patient. God is kind. God does not envy or boast. God is not self-seeking. God is not easily angered. God keeps no record of wrongs. God always protects and perseveres. God never fails.

Elsewhere in his letters, Paul speaks of how the love of God can be poured out into our own hearts. It’s something that comes from outside of us… it enables us to do the humanly impossible, to become more than what we are.

So back to the original question. How can I forgive someone who has done wrong. Maybe the answer is… “You can’t. But God can.” God can forgive them.

Live your life daily in the presence of God, open your life to the influence of God. And God will plant in you a seed of love. It will take root and grow, whether you are aware of it or not.

Then the day will come when the person you are angry at will be in need. And you will set aside your record of wrongs, and to your own surprise you will move over to help them.

You will do this because your heart has filled with compassion – compassion drawn from the very heart of God. The God who keeps no record of wrongs.

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(*illustration from Gary M. Burge, Jesus, the Middle-Eastern Storyteller)