After 15 years in pastoral ministry, I’ve begun to use the r-word. I see a need to ration myself. I have only limited energy for pastoral care. Especially as an introvert, my tanks will run low.
I felt it earlier this week. Each day brought its own focus: delivering Meals on Wheels, preparing dinner for a family of six and taking it to them, visiting a parishioner at an out of town care facility, and attending to the regular pastoral care needs of the congregation. I didn’t realize how low the reserves were until an unexpected need arose, and I found myself sucking on a dry tank.
There are far more needs in the congregation than I can care for. I see people on Sundays, and I know there are critical things going on in their lives. But I have to pick a few to focus on. I’m not the only one caring for parishioners. There is another pastor, and there are the church members themselves. The priesthood of all believers is alive and well here. I’m always impressed with how parishioners become priests to one another in times of crisis.
The word husband, in addition to being a noun, is a little used verb meaning “to manage prudently and economically.” As a pastor I must husband my own energies. When I attend to the needs of parishioners, energy seeps out of me. I become like Jesus in the crowd that day… someone touched his cloak, and he knew that power had gone out of him. Power goes out of me, and there is only so much of it. It’s like a cell phone battery that will need to be recharged.
It’s not only taking care of needs. It’s also being aware of them. He has just lost his wife. She lives alone. She has cancer. He worries about his wife’s illness. I carry these concerns around with me, and when too many of them accumulate, the sadness and anxiety linger. The need for self-care marks anyone in a helping profession. Fatigue sets in. I’m only more aware of it than ever lately. Maybe it’s a function too of how much I love my congregation. They are precious to me, and when they hurt I live with the hurting too.
So I’m thinking about pastoral care rationing today. I must ration myself. I’ve probably been doing it all along, but I’ve not named it before like this.
I have always thought of this as the front line in ministry. It is not the pulpit. It is harder, much harder. It is as dangerous as it was for the high priest to enter the Holy of Holies.
Boundaries and rationing – they are essential, if one is remain whole and alive.
You are a good man to answer this front-line call, Chris.
It was difficult for my former parish to hear that I could do what I was doing and no more, and that’s from a life long Type A introvert who found no difficulty working long hours, which may have had something to do with my heart attack. Moreover, I had the added help of an associate for the last two years of my rectorship. My successor does not, and, younger and wiser than I, he announced early that he had limits beyond which he could not and would not go. Taking care of self is a critical and oft ignored aspect of ministry. One way to do that is to have a qualified spiritual director or counselor. I have at long last found that person for me in a local Orthodox priest who is also a PhD psychologist.
Steven and Ken… thanks for the encouraging comments. Peace to you.