Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,
exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
from the Wesleyan Covenant Prayer
Seven years ago we began a contemporary praise service on Sunday evenings. I was not involved in the early planning, but the leaders soon drew me in as the preacher for the service. The service finally ended last month, after the music leader stepped down, and last week I made the hard decision not to redevelop it with new leadership. In the end, for good reasons, I could not go forward with a new service.
The praise service went through many changes since it debuted in February 2004. Some of the changes I initiated, many came from the music leader, but one critical change came from outside of our control. So there are a lot of conflicted feelings in me now, a lot of what ifs floating in my mind. Mostly there is a sense of loss, along with a feeling of being unemployed. For over seven years this service employed my time, talents and energies. But no more. I will have to find new ways to serve the church I love.
The praise service taught me volumes about worship. What made our service thrive was inspiring music, quality preaching (so I am told), and participatory prayer in the sharing of joys and concerns. The service gave me a laboratory over time to unlearn and relearn the art of the sermon. I will miss the weekly renewing of friendships, the freedom of preaching in jeans, the heartfelt prayers, and the music that lifted my heart to God.
We say the Wesleyan Covenant Prayer each January in our traditional worship service. It is the hardest prayer I know to pray and actually mean the words you say. When you have been ‘laid aside for thee’ there is a sense of failure, with all the rich lessons of failure. There is, too, a resignation to God’s will, as well as a budding hope that God has good things planned for the future.
(image: the New Room, first Methodist chapel, Bristol, England)
…..”When you have been ‘laid aside for thee’ there is a sense of failure, with all the rich lessons of failure. There is, too, a resignation to God’s will, as well as a budding hope that God has good things planned for the future.”……Chris…dont feel alone brother..this very scenario is being played out ALL ACROSS this country…its a spiritual ‘dismantling’ of sorts.. i want to suggest a different perspective on this if i may be so bold…That ‘sense of failure’ that you are experiencing IS YOUR wake up call..God is creating an opening in you..a passage way..that could lead you to a heretofor unimaginable spiritual (re)awakening..God has been dealing with you for some time now…you’ll have to Let Go Chris….let go of it all…ALL the learning/the rhetoric/the certainty..you may or may not be able to do this..start by asking God for the power/strength and if need be even the willingness..if you dont successfully navigate this ‘crisis’ then i can only envision several not so bright outcomes…you must become as a child again.. **WITH A CHILDS CURIOSITY** ….God is so much more than what you’ve settled for…He’s well beyond your current conception and He is calling/beaconing you to expand your awareness of Him…stop hesitating in fear….become an EXPLORER………i light an incense to God in your name tonight..
Mike, what a wonderful thing: light one for me too, for all of us.